Prometheus

I was looking forward to seeing this movie… I thought I will see something new, something fresh, but I was wrong.

The starting point was strange: a new discovery points to a star system present in paintings from all civilizations. Really? And from those paintings they found the planet where supposedly our makers live. That’s great logic.

We are immediately transported on board of a high-tech ship which is close to the respective planet. We see a robot spying crew’s dreams, then all of a sudden objects move to the right and the ship shakes, like there is a gravity button somewhere. Gravitational attraction produced by a planet will gradually be felt increasing; it will not appear suddenly. The explanation that the ship was travelling at high speed and it finally reached the destination also doesn’t fit, because passing from excessive high speeds (travelling between stars) to low speeds without gradual descent would kill everybody on board.

Then we are presented with a skinny lady just woken from her long sleep doing a set of badly made push-ups. If you want to make her look bad ass then  you don’t allow her to do push ups worse than my highschool colleagues. Hands must be properly aligned, the chest must touch the floor; but hey we are going into details here.

The ships lands, and magically, its landing point is just where the alien buildings are. The crew led by a scientist go out even if the recommendation is to wait for the next day.

Here the stupid facts start piling up at once: the scientist takes of his helmet just like that, like there is no other danger (viruses, etc) than lack of oxygen. At first sight of an alien corpse the geologist and another one run for the ship, and obviously get lost (even if the geologist handled the mapping system). Of course they die ugly, trying to pet an alien cobra, like that couldn’t lead to some serious problems for them.

The robot does some unexplainable things: why infect one of the crew just like that?

After having intercourse with her infected partner, the female scientist (who was sterile before) remains pregnant with an ugly alien. She manages to get it out having a live surgery and after having her abdominal muscle cut horizontally she moves and walks like nothing happened.

Supposedly the aliens, after they created us (by mistake, as we deduce in the beginning), they decided to kill us using some complicated genetic engineered cobras who got out of control and killed them instead. Why go so far and not use basic things: a nuke for example.

What’s with the scene in the end where an alien like mother comes out of the dead humanoid alien and roars? Is this the preparation for a sequel? What will accomplish the doctor and the robot by going after the aliens? Will they kill them?

I’m sure the Earth will send a space station in response to the signal they received (which said not to come), and perhaps only one will survive, which will carry the monsters to the Earth for a third part…

I’ll stop here, but I think you see my point. Can anyone make a believable alien movie?

Fast & Furious 6

I know that Fast & Furious movies are really about the cars, so if the plot isn’t brilliant, it’s not that big of a problem. Or is it?

The Rock searches Vin Diesel and his team to catch a team of thief drivers who are trying to steal some very important military equipment worth billions and threatening the important states in the world. The stakes were very high; so high that if the mission would be a success all the members of Vin Diesel’s team would be free of all charges (from the previous movies….)

Still, in one occasion, the Rock has the main villain in the cross hairs and doesn’t take him out. Why is that?

In the end the military acts really stupid. If they catch one gang member trying to breach the camp, they decide that the package is way safer in a moving convoy than in a military base (when the burglars are, supposedly, excellent drivers).

There is one scene which is really science fiction. When Vin Diesel catches his girlfriend  while jumping from a lane of a highway to the other on a bridge and not only catches her without changing his trajectory, but lands safely on a car windshield without a scratch. At that speed they would both suffer great internal injuries, not to speek about their flying trajectory which would change significantly even if Vin Diesel is twice as heavy as his girlfriend.

Oblivion

The movie had an original plot twist: the initial two main characters Jack and Victoria supposedly had a mandatory memory wipe after a global nuclear war with the aliens. We won, but Earth was inhabitable, so everybody lived in the “tent” a tetrahedrical space ship, apart from the two of them which supervised and guarded some water exploiting machines, supposedly to harvest energy for the Titan colony. The couple dreamed about going to Titan after their job was done (at least she did). Jack was the repairman for the drones, flying machines which guarded the harvesting plants from scavengers: the remaining aliens. This turned out to be the other way around. The aliens were in the “tent”, and the scavengers were the remaining people.

Still there are a few inconsistencies:

Jack was supposed to repair the drones, and supposedly there was a crisis, because the scavengers managed to terminate lots of them. How come there were spare drones in the “tent” space ship? If the “tent” had the technology to do cloning (yes, there were thousands of versions of Jack and Victoria) couldn’t it build more drones instead?

In the end there was a fight where three drones decimated a remaining human colony and resisted under heavy fire. Building more drones seemed the logical way to go…

When the spaceship containing humans going to Titan was captured by some gravitational field produced by the “tent” Jack released the back of the ship with the rest of the crew. If the attraction was so powerful that reverse engines could not escape from it, how come the part of the ship with the rest of the crew was not also attracted by the “tent”?

In a few occasions drones could locate DNA traces and find the location where Jack was taken. Why couldn’t this method be applied to find the rest of the humans and eliminate the threat?

Pacific Rim

I personally enjoyed this movie. The action and the plot were a bit refreshing. Still there are many flaws in it, and here are some of them.

1. These kaiju creatures are biologically impossible. I’m not able to explain it, but it seems that the whole kaiju creature would simply break itself under the action of gravity. (see this vsauce movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkzQxw16G9w)

2. The Jaeger robots are depicted more realistically than in transformers, but still, imagine what pure force is needed to drive these machines which are like skyscrapers high.

3. Supposedly we have enough firepower to blow up the earth, but all our planes and submarines cannot blow up a single creature (note that the kaiju’s never came more than one in a wave…. except in the end) when focused on it?

4. How could anyone have such a stupid strategy as to create lots of defenders in lots of parts of the world when all the kaiju’s came from the same hole in the Pacific ocean… The “normal” thing to do would be to place an atomic bomb in the hole, and when they detect movement (which they did well, it seems) detonate the bomb.

5. If kaijus are so strong and dangerous, why bother punching them and becoming vulnerable when missiles and swords are available to finish them quickly?

6. Supposedly only kaijus can pass through the rim, but the two characters managed to get back from the other side…

White House Down

  1. The head of security is the mole
  2. It is possible that the guys hired to replace the projector in the movie theater are really mercenaries waiting for a signal to attack.
  3. All security in the White House can be taken down by a handful of people.
  4. Again, there is only one man who fights. All others stay out because of the protocol, who knows. If the security of the president was at stake, all attacks should stop, but only the outsiders consider that the terrorists might really do what they say.
  5. It’s absurd that a single man has all the power on the nuclear missiles, and there is no fail-safe, or manual unplug. I mean, every nuclear missile silo/submarine should have a “security stop button”.

 

Olympus has fallen

The movie was quite entertaining, but the premises were so wrong… Here are some of them:

  1. How it is possible for an unidentified HUGE military aircraft get in a radius of 30 minutes of the white house?
  2. Why the fighters who tried to take down the unidentified plane stood exactly in the range of the machine guns ready to take them down?
  3. How it is possible for a missile to miss such a large aircraft just because it has lots of diversion flares?
  4. I guess it could be possible for two kamikaze’s to get near the fence of the white house and blow it up, but how could that army of Koreans who took out the entire white house defense appear from nowhere in the middle of Washington DC?
  5. Are white house defenders so ill armed and trained? Is perimeter defense so weak?
  6. Who could devise a nuclear missile self destruct mechanism which could blow up all, even un-launched, nuclear missiles in the US? This is plain stupid.
  7. Why do they needed a 6 helicopters invasion on the roof when the gates were all open, and the surveillance cams were all off? Are navy seals that stupid, that they are weaker than one man alone? (same pattern as White House Down)
  8. Snipers had targets outside the White House but didn’t take them down. Perhaps they all needed to be killed by the main actor.

I really enjoy action movies, but lately I feel no satisfaction in seeing movies with absurd scripts. Perhaps I’m growing up…